Thursday, December 9, 2010

Rule 12: Save Your Money

Here comes a sad one. Don't worry, I'll make it short.

Rule 12: Save Your Money.

You spend money on women. You need to stop it.

At first glance, this may seem like just as unchivalric a thing a guy could do short of calling a girl fat, because even if you WANT to, you never should. (It's poor taste.) BUT HEAR ME OUT!

I'm not talking to your average guy here. I'm talking to that kid who's cripplingly awkward around EVERY GIRL HE KNOWS. What does this guy ALWAYS do with the girl he likes? He finds something she likes and
goes out and buys it for her. If it's a cheap enough thing, he'll buy it for her several times. He can probably barely even SPEAK to this girl, so of course, he thinks that gifts will express to her what his words never could, and she'll see what a beautiful soul he has and fall madly in love with him.

O, for a thousand tongues to sing of how wrong you are.

THIS DOES NOT WORK, DUDE. It will NEVER work. In fact, every gift you buy her will only
irritate her that much more. You're going off of a VERY limited knowledge base of what this girl is like and what her interests really are. So take a step back, regroup, re-read all of these rules, collect your nerve, and LEARN TO TALK TO HER LIKE A MAN.

For all you normal guys out there, this rule still very much applies to you. DO NOT buy anything for a girl you like until she agrees to go on a date with you. Honestly, you're going to keep blowing money on her if you don't even know whether or not she likes you!? That's ridiculous! Wait until she says "Yes," then REWARD her for making good choices with a free meal.

And girls, don't be douchettes about this either. Don't let a man keep buying you things if you don't like him. You're accepting gifts for existing, and that makes you worse than a whore. At least whores WORK for a living.

Which brings me to the one exception to this rule. The only time a single guy may give the single girl he likes a gift is
on her birthday. (This is also the only time it's ok for anyone to get gifts for just existing. I feel this should go without saying, but I said it anyway.) HOWEVER, that gift BETTER be $15 or less. Maybe $20 if it's a really cool gift. And NO JEWELRY. That's just weird.

(If you live in rich society, this rule may not apply. Spending money may be the only way ya'll know how to communicate.)

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