“On the Field” with Indiana Joe – Breakfast of Champions (Rule 2)

Where: YOU’RE AT DENNY’S

Why: You’re eating a GRAND SLAM BREAKFAST with the woman of your dreams (probably Erin Andrews)

Really, do you have to question this call? You’re eating reasonably priced food with a hot girl. It’s like winning the Super Bowl with minimal effort. She’s even looking at your obviously chiseled chest. How could this possibly go bad?

And that’s when you realize you only have one piece of bacon left on your plate.

Your eyes make contact. She makes eyes like that cute puppy you saw on Animal Planet while trying to find Sports Center.

She wants your last piece of bacon.

You decide to give it to her.

WRONG.

It is a universal truth that MEN NEED BACON.

That hot girl sitting across the table knows YOU NEED BACON. This is a test.

Letting her have the last piece of bacon is like EATING A SALAD AT A STEAKHOUSE WITH LOW FAT RANCH YOU PANSY.

Pictured: NOT BACON

And she knows this.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO?!

YOU TAKE THAT PIG SKIN (literally) AND RUN WITH IT. YOU NEED BACON.

Here is an analogy to help you remember:

AMOUNT OF BACON CONSUMED = AMOUNT OF CONFIDENCE EXUBERATED

By eating the last piece of bacon you understand your natural role as a man and what a man must do to survive. This, in turn, is attractive to the female race and may even lead to mating. (after marriage of course)

If every man let their girlfriend eat the last piece of bacon there would be NO MEN LEFT AND THEREFORE THE HUMAN RACE DIES OUT.

No men = No reproducing = No one to eat at Denny's
So be a man of confidence. Enjoy your breakfast of champions. The survival of the human race is depending on it.