"On the Field" with Indiana Joe

HEY YOU

IT’S 4TH DOWN AND 20 IN THE SUPER BOWL OF DATING

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

Let’s recap this drive for a second.

First down was a Right 76 Sweep TO THE MALL. But she brought her friends along TO SACK YOUR CONFIDENCE. Loss of 5 yards.

Second down. Screen pass to the movies. ANOTHER MAN INTERFERES AND BREAKS UP YOUR PASS. No gain.

Third down. Wideout pass to DINNER. SHE LIKES SOMEBODY ELSE. Loss of 15 yards.

It’s 4th and 20 and you are officially IN THE FRIEND ZONE.

Do you punt her away to the competition, fumble her away to a less deserving man, or do you throw a perfect Hail Mary pass to the END ZONE of her heart?!

This is a column for all those second stringers out there. All of us guys who are riding the bench in the game of dating, waiting for their shot to throw the girl-winning pass that will send the competition back to the bus OF FAILURE.

“On the Field” with Indiana Joe will use amazingly awesome sports metaphors, randomly capitalized words, and INTENSE John Madden-like play calling to get your butt off the bench and next to that awesome female girl that you secretly have had a crush on since first grade.

“On The Field” will teach you how to call an audible when conversations get tough, how to juke the defenses of OPPOSING MEN who want to tackle your confidence, and when to play it safe and kick a field goal rather than go for the emotional touchdown by a guy with ample experience as a starting quarterback in the big game of dating.

SO QUIT BEING THE BACK-UP AND GET ON THE FIELD WITH INDIANA JOE!

With football metaphors this good maybe they should call me Joe MONTANA.

Disclaimer: Not a real quarterback.